This post will be unabashedly maudlin. I apologise in advance.
The situation at work is challenging. I love what I do, and I’ve genuinely enjoyed where I work. Now I feel as if I’m on tenterhooks, wondering whether my boss’s boss’s boss really won’t meet my eye or if it’s simple paranoia. Not everything is negative. I’m pursuing several leads in the same city where my family is and I’m hopeful. I’m looking at the situation as a chance to be proactive, and “git gone” before they have the chance to do it for me. As an individual I’ve never dealt well with change. Adaptability to change is the root of survival so I guess it’s forcing me to evolve, even if reluctantly so.
Here’s the maudlin. I’ve taken my working motto from the chorus of this song as it’s succinct and unmistakable: Fear, you will never be welcome here.
I do not own this song or video. All rights to the copyright holders.
Today I’m thankful that I’m spending a week surrounded by thousands of people who love the same things I do.
I’ve been stressed since half my colleagues were made redundant. I think it’s understandable. The notice came about a week before I left for a vacation/conference. I’m at the conference now. I hadn’t noticed how much I missed being around “my people”, silly as we are. The sessions are highly informative, and the location is idyllic. I’ve split my time between the conference and wandering the city. I’d forgotten how truly goofy I am when unstressed. I’m still not certain what my next move will be, but this respite is proving absolutely necessary.
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Half of my work unit were made redundant last week. They were offered equivalent contracts with the company taking over those operations, so it could’ve been far worse, but the rest of us are on edge. None of our immediate supervisors had any forewarning so it is difficult to take their reassurances without question. I’ve worked there for almost three years. In truth I knew it was probably time to start looking again, but now it seems like I’m running against a fluid deadline that no one really acknowledges. I’d like to move closer to my family so that’s the way I’m leaning. I’m wary.
Today I’m thankful for small periods of perfection.
I was having a particularly trying day at work last week. I left at midday to get food. I mostly needed to get out of the building. It was utterly perfect, for me, as soon as I stepped through the door. A light rain had just started and the smell was intoxicating, especially mixed with the greenery around. There’s a church on the other side of the road and their bell started ringing. It was still and exquisite. For about five seconds. As I rounded the building I heard a hard-of-hearing colleague on a call. They are lovely, but notably loud. They’d agree with the sentiment. I laughed harder than I’ve laughed in a while at the sheer absurdity of it. It was I needed, when I needed it.
Today I’m thankful for Scottish synth-pop.
I am always hunting for new music. My taste is eclectic and I’ll happily listen to most things once. YouTube suggested a Chvrches video based on what I’d previously viewed. I’ve tended to either highly enjoy or immediately need to skip their songs. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground.
They have a clean sound. I prefer that to distortion, except in some punk and sludge metal. Their production is crisp and the layering is precise. I appreciate the intricate beats, and the fact that each song is a complete item. They don’t meander to some strange musical future. This particular track has helped get me through a long work week. I was amused by the writer’s description of it as a “middle finger mic-drop.” That probably says more about how I handle stress than I actually care to admit. Listen and enjoy, I hope.
All rights belong to the artists. I do not own this video.
Today I’m thankful for red writing implements.
My employer regularly reviews policies relating to every aspect of our work. There are thousands of them so it is a continuous process. In a first, my group was asked for input on several that directly affect our work. We were each given a paper copy and a red pen and told to have at. I found a contradictory statement and wrote “logical fallacy!!!” in big red letters. It made me feel better. I’m easily amused. I doubt we’ll have any appreciable impact on the final product but it won’t be from lack of trying.
Today I’m thankful for traffic cones.
My employer moved locations. They’re leasing the building we currently occupy. There aren’t enough parking spots for every employee so a number of people come in early trying to beat the rush.
I did the same one day. While pulling in I saw a traffic cone blocking the empty spot nearest the disabled (badge) slots. Our landlord’s name was stenciled on the cone. As I removed my key from the ignition a large white luxury car pulled up next to the blocked spot. I recognized the driver as she got out of her car. It was the landlord’s administrative staffer. She saw me watching, smiled, grabbed the cone and put it in her car, and pulled into the best unsigned spot in the lot.
I told my colleagues, who promptly suggested we each make our own cones to “officially” claim good spots. We haven’t done so, but I also have yet to see the original cone make a repeat performance. If I had I think the rest of the lot would suddenly sprout matching orange “fruit.”
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