Half of my work unit were made redundant last week. They were offered equivalent contracts with the company taking over those operations, so it could’ve been far worse, but the rest of us are on edge. None of our immediate supervisors had any forewarning so it is difficult to take their reassurances without question. I’ve worked there for almost three years. In truth I knew it was probably time to start looking again, but now it seems like I’m running against a fluid deadline that no one really acknowledges. I’d like to move closer to my family so that’s the way I’m leaning. I’m wary.
I may be driving the subject into the ground. I feel compelled to express my thoughts comprehensively. All I can ask is that you bear with me. Today I’m thankful for space to think.
One of the more useful aspects of retreating into silence is that one is forced to grapple with one’s thoughts. Distractions are minimised so it really is just you and your brain. I used what time I had to begin determining what I honestly, truly want, and what is extraneous. I turn important life pages periodically and I think I’m approaching another.
I want a garden, divided into crops and flowering plants. I can’t develop one at my apartment as I only have a small cement slab with a balcony overhead. I need land. With land would come a detached house, and a vehicle to haul garden “stuff.” That vehicle would look better with a scruffy canine passenger. I most want a garden, a house, a hauling vehicle and a dog, in that order. I’ve figured out the “what.” Now I need to work on the “how.” It’s thrilling and scary in equal measure.Embed from Getty Images
Today I’m thankful for lilac.
Growing up there was a massive lilac bush next to our house. It was probably 3 meters (10 feet) tall and 5 meters (roughly 16 feet) in circumference. The flowers were the classic light purple color. It was one of the first things to bloom each spring. There was smaller honeysuckle alongside. When they bloomed together you could hear the bees from a good distance. The combined scents were indescribable. If I ever manage to buy some land and build a house lilac will be one of the first things I plant.