This post will be unabashedly maudlin. I apologise in advance.
The situation at work is challenging. I love what I do, and I’ve genuinely enjoyed where I work. Now I feel as if I’m on tenterhooks, wondering whether my boss’s boss’s boss really won’t meet my eye or if it’s simple paranoia. Not everything is negative. I’m pursuing several leads in the same city where my family is and I’m hopeful. I’m looking at the situation as a chance to be proactive, and “git gone” before they have the chance to do it for me. As an individual I’ve never dealt well with change. Adaptability to change is the root of survival so I guess it’s forcing me to evolve, even if reluctantly so.
Here’s the maudlin. I’ve taken my working motto from the chorus of this song as it’s succinct and unmistakable: Fear, you will never be welcome here.
I do not own this song or video. All rights to the copyright holders.
Today I’m thankful for vegan pizza.
Before thinking this sounds silly, imagine that you can’t ever again eat your favorite food. Whatever the reason is, you can’t have any. Ever. I can’t eat any form of dairy. I get very ill. I miss pizza. Pizza, being covered in cheese, dwells in the forbidden zone. I sometimes imagine the savory, salty taste of dough covered in tomato sauce and cheese, and grumble, just a little. Any toppings, except fish or mushrooms. Even the heartburn after, knowing I’d thoroughly enjoyed myself.
I tried a few versions of making one myself, but I have no love for cooking and the result was consistently disappointing. Consider then the actual joy I felt upon discovering my market carries multiple brands of vegan pizza. I had choices! Once every few weeks I’ll buy one, bring it home and bake it. I’ll eat the whole damn thing. They aren’t particularly large, and I’m very careful not to do so often. The rest of my diet is disgustingly healthy. It isn’t exactly the same as I remember, but my memory is probably idealized anyway. It is similar enough, and tastes quite good in its own right. I don’t have to live a pizza-free life anymore.
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Half of my work unit were made redundant last week. They were offered equivalent contracts with the company taking over those operations, so it could’ve been far worse, but the rest of us are on edge. None of our immediate supervisors had any forewarning so it is difficult to take their reassurances without question. I’ve worked there for almost three years. In truth I knew it was probably time to start looking again, but now it seems like I’m running against a fluid deadline that no one really acknowledges. I’d like to move closer to my family so that’s the way I’m leaning. I’m wary.
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Today I’m thankful for languages. No, really.
I studied French in high school. I remember enough to be understood and I use my phone to practice. At university I took Russian. I was very tired of French. I can ask, in Russian, the location of the train station but I won’t understand the answer.
Languages fascinate me. I don’t go to the extent of tracing the history of every diacritic, but seeing how words evolve from common roots is truly interesting. It shows the evolution of ideas, when groups divided or came together. Learning another language exercises the brain and broadens a person’s horizons.
I’m a native English speaker. English is a stepchild language if there ever was one. First it was just another Germanic language, but then the Norse came and give it all sorts of North Germanic influences that made it unique. THEN the Normans invaded, who had originally spoken Norse but changed to French, and they had a massive impact, leaving Latin and Romance traces everywhere. As English speakers spread their particular varieties starting including traces of native languages. English in India is influenced by hundreds of Indian languages. Spanish is a large player in the United States. Even in New Zealand Maori has had a large impact. I think it’s cool, that languages are adapted to circumstances as they arise. It isn’t a formal progression. It’s messy and organic, like the rest of life. They evolve!
I’m trying to learn some Italian. It’s easier to speak quickly than some others. In Finnish it seems like every word is 30 letters long, but they are fun words.